The Nacilbupera Guzzle

Whoever examines with attention the history of the dearths and famines … will find, I believe, that a dearth never has arisen from any combination among the inland dealers in corn, nor from any other cause but a real scarcity, occasioned sometimes perhaps, and in some particular places, by the waste of war, but in by far the greatest number of cases by the fault of the seasons; and that a famine has never arisen from any other cause but the violence of government attempting, by improper means, to remedy the inconveniences of a dearth. (Adam Smith, The Wealth of Nations IV.5.44)

Saturday, November 23, 2013

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Cookie Monster Comes Out of Closet as an Anarchist

Nacilbupera:  Cookie Monster why did you announce you are an anarchist?
C:  Me love eat cookie.  Me not need government eat cookie.

N:  Yes, but why not just ignore government instead?
C:  Me sometimes want buy cookie from store.  Government charge me extra money to buy cookie.  Cookie Monster have only money for cookie, no extra money give government.

N:  Are taxes the only reason you don't like government?
C:  (nom, nom, nom, munching)  Oh no.  Me try to buy cookie with lots of sugar and they say Cookie Monster have to give cookie for paper license to eat cookie.  That no right.  Sometime Cookie Monster want buy rare North Korean fortune cookie but they no let Cookie Monster buy cookie.

N:  So government limits who you can buy cookies from and sometimes wants to license behavior they see as bad.  Are there other times they forbid you from eating cookies?
C:  Oh yes!  One day me want to eat cannabis cookie for stress from too many tv show.  Men with many gun break door of Cookie Monster house and steal cannabis cookie.  They shoot Cookie Monster dog.  They put Cookie Monster in cage for long time.

N:  That's horrible, Cookie Monster, I'm so sorry that happened to you.  What else is going on?
C:  Sometime government say:  Cookie Monster.  We don't like you eating cookie.  We allow you eat all cookie you want but you no buy cookie from girl monster.  It against law buy cookie from girl monster.  Government say if Cookie Monster buy cookie from girl then girl will want to make cookie and making cookie for money very bad.

N:  Wow!  That's so wrong they won't let you pay a girl monster to make cookies.  But at least government provides a currency so you can buy your cookies, right?
C:  Me no eat funny money.  Me eat cookie.  When me born in 1966, me get funny money from Sesame Street, buy 100 cookie.  Now buy 20 cookie with same funny money.  Not very funny, funny money.  Me not like central bank controlling funny money.  Use funny trickery central bank does.  Me try eat funny money; taste very bad.  Me like chocolate chip cookie.  Me love chocolate chip cookie.  Me have friend Oscar Grouch love green funny money.

N:  Cookie Monster, government says they must protect you from bad people.  Don't you feel safer knowing that the government has a strong military to protect you from some very bad people?
C:  Cookie Monster love everybody.  Cookie Monster very much love cookie.  Cookie Monster no treat monster bad.  Everybody love Cookie Monster.  Sometime Cookie Monster even share cookie he love very much.  Cookie Monster not need standing army because Cookie Monster always nice.

N:  Wow!  I think most people of the world would like to live at peace with one another like you do.  You know though Cookie, some people feel that government takes good care of them when no one else will.  Government builds roads and provides free healthcare to some.
C:  Government build road and healthcare with Cookie Monster cookie.  They come to Cookie Monster and say:  Cookie Monster you have too many cookie.  You give cookie to us and we cookie to other monster.  We need eat cookie too for hard work in taking cookie.  This very bad for Cookie Monster.  Cookie have 10 Cookie for lunch but men in fancy suits and robes come and take 4 cookie.  Cookie Monster think this very mean.  Cookie Monster drive, then he give 1 cookie for toll road.  Cookie Monster want healthcare, then he give doctor 2 cookie.  Cookie Monster want help other monster, he give 4 cookie other monster.  Always better Cookie Monster give cookie no funny robe men take cookie.

N:  I never thought of it that way Cookie Monster, but you make a lot of sense in eliminating government as the middle man!  But isn’t it great we have a democracy and a right to vote?
C:  "C" is for cookie, that good enough for me.  Me not love democrazy.  The have election and say Cookie Monster choose Big Leader Man.  Big Leader Man always come to take cookie from Cookie Monster.  One day Cookie Monster find small leader who not want to take Cookie Monster cookie.  Other monster vote for man who promise them Cookie Monster cookie.  Small leader lose.  Cookie Monster no keep Cookie Monster cookie.  Make Cookie Monster hungry thinking about missing cookie.

N:  So being an anarchist then, that means you want to force everyone else to give up government?
C:  Me hungry.  Me want eat more cookie.  Me not want control other monster.  Other monster want Big Leader Man, fine with Cookie Monster.  Cookie Monster just love cookie.  Cookie monster very simple.  Cookie Monster want to eat cookie and trade cookie with other monster.  Cookie Monster nice to Big Leader Man but Big Leader Man not nice to Cookie Monster. 

N:  But supporting anarchy, doesn’t that mean you want chaos?
C:  Anarchy mean monster who love cookie have freedom eat cookie.  Maybe other monster love vegetables.  Other monster have freedom eat vegetables.  Me not understand how this not good thing for all monster.  Me not understand how this chaos.

N:  Cookie Monster, thank you so much for your time.  As a token of my appreciation here’s a plate of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.
C:  Om, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom!

No comments: